One Act Play

Samantha and Mitchell are neighbors. They have had a bad history as neighbors, and today they will experience a unique encounter. Samantha is stepping out of the car as Mitchell is leaving his house.

Samantha:[Splat] (In a angry, firm tone) MR. MITCHELL HASTINGS! (takes a deep breath) This is the last time I will ask. Please pick up after your unsanitary canine!

Mitch: Miss Adams, my, uh "unsanitary canine" is not my problem. After all it is his duty. Psh! Ta! Ha!

Samantha: Well, Mr. Hastings, it is your responsibility to maintain his hygiene.  And I'll just say that the specimen on my Achilles is not properly disposed of,... nor maintained.

Mitch: Well... Miss Adams. If this is an issue I'll uh buy ya some new shoes or somethi-

Samantha: "If"? "If this is an issue"? I can assure you that this is not an issue.

Mitch: Alright well-

Samantha: This is a TRAGEDY! A tragedy I tell you!

Mitch: Alright, okay, just write down the shows ya want and I'll ah-

Samantha: No I assure you, I don't wish for new footwear. What I ask is that this massacre you call an "issue", doesn't proceed again!

Mitch: Hey, no need to get all she-devil on me.

Samantha: Uh! and don't even get me started on your horrendous vocabulary! Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps that is why you're still living in your mother below level? Hm?

Mitch: Has it ever occurred to you that you're rude? Huh? Perhaps that's why you're still divorced!

Samantha: OH! How insulting! I am truly appalled Mr. Hastings!

Mitch: You're embarrassed? How do you think I feel?

Samantha: Embarrassed? That's not-

Mitch: Yeah! You and your mean ways...

Samantha: If you'd only clean up after you dog!

(As they continue to argue the car radio Goes on in the background)

Broadcaster: And lastly, a dog has gone missing on the North side. (Continues speaking) For any information please call...

Samantha: And you know what?

Mitch: What!?

Samantha: I hope your animal goes missing!

Mitch: Oh yeah?

Samantha: Yes indeed!

Mitch: And I hope your shoes go missing!

Samantha: Good!

Mitch: Good!

(They each get in their car and exit the drive way. Both angered,they back into each other. they exit their cars and continue fighting).

Mitch: LOOK WHAT YOU DID. Oh my goodness!

Samantha: This is your fault!

Mitch: No!

Samantha: Yes!

(Radio continues in back)

Broadcaster: Breaking news an armed robber has just broken into the bank on 34th. I am being told now that there is hostages.

(Broadcaster continues to explain the extremity of the situation)

Mitch: Just move on. Just forget this.

Samantha: I'll put the police on the phone. They'll take care of this mess.

Mitch: Weren't you listening to the reporter? No cops can help!

Samantha: If you were more careful...

Mitch: Miss Adams! This arguing is useless don't you see? Stop passing the blame. We need to move on.

Samantha: Yes but-

Mitch: Yes but, this fighting is too much! The cops are doing their job, which doesn't include us!

Samantha: Their job is to help civilians which we-

Mitch: Their job is to help civilians. People at the bank.

(A moment of silence is shared before they come to a consensus)

Samantha: Well.

Mitch: Well.

Samantha: First, I suppose we should apologize.

Mitch: Sorry. My bad.

Samantha: I apologize.

Mitch: Now what do we do.

Samantha: Let's see here.

[The End]